Flight
by Danym
Summary: What if the man without feelings proves he does have them? [GS] (Complete)
1. There will be no cake…

Flight

By Dany

Summary: What if the man without feelings proves he does have them?

Author's Note: This is actually the first CSI story I wrote, but it was longer and needed more work than the others. It's finished, but I'm still working out the kinks in the other chapters. On this note: Thanks and a big hug to Amy!

Part 1/13

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI.

xxxxx

Chapter 1 (There will be no cake...)

"You have no idea. What do you know about feelings?"

The lab techs were pooling in the hallway when they heard the ruckus involving their boss. But this time it was not Warrick Brown who accused his supervisor of being unfeeling. It was Nick Stokes.

"Why do you always have to be so cold?"

And again Grissom said nothing.

Nick's emotions were running high, being immersed in the case of an abused child. Grissom had wanted to confine him to the lab in order to keep him from getting too involved, but nobody listened to him anymore.

"I'm going back to the hospital!" Nick said firmly and stormed out. On his way out, he collided with Sara. He mumbled something resembling a 'sorry' and then hurried on towards the locker room.

When she looked into the room Nick had fled from she saw Grissom hunched over a microscope. She felt her temper rising. Nick was upset, and he just went on with his work.

"What did you do?" she hissed at him. Her need to defend a friend was overwriting her rationality and so she didn't stop to think that there were always two sides to a story. He raised his head from his work looking... resigned. However, in her current mood his expression didn't make it to her mind.

"I tried to keep him from compromising the case," Grissom didn't even raise his voice, which made Sara even angrier.

"Nick would not compromise a case just because he feels for the victim. That's what this is about, right? Why can't you let us have feelings? Just because you don't have any doesn't mean we have to get rid of them."

And then something happened that had never happened before. Grissom got up, took off his lab coat and left. He had never left an immediate task, not until that moment.

Sara was too stunned to move. She had expected him to put her into her place or to say nothing and wait until she left, but never that. When she finally got her legs to move, he was gone. He had handed over the case to Catherine and taken the remainder of the night off.

Standing in front of his dark office, she realized she had probably been too hard on him and had not given him the chance to say something. But he hard stormed out, again choosing not to talk about it. Still, a stale aftertaste remained. Sara decided to talk to him tomorrow if he didn't just ignore it.

xxxxx

When Sara pulled into the parking lot the next night, she didn't see Grissom's car, which she found odd but pushed it back into her mind, still a bit mad at him for his aloofness... until she entered the break room.

In the middle of the table stood a beautiful white orchid. Anger swept over her. He had done it again, thinking he could tide things over with some stupid plant. She didn't even want to look at the card. Ignoring the beautiful plant, she sat down on the couch and waited for the others to arrive. There was no open case for her to process.

Catherine was the first to arrive at the break room, looking extremely pale. Her fists were balled, a piece of paper clutched tightly in one hand. "Sara, have you seen Grissom?"

"No, he hasn't been in yet." Catherine really looked like she was about to pass out.

"Oh god!" was the last thing she got out before sinking down onto the couch and letting the tears rush over her face.

Sara was completely stunned. She didn't know what to do with a crying Catherine, especially since she didn't know the reason. "Uhm, Catherine?" She was very uncomfortable, but she reached out and put a hand on the older woman's back.

At that moment Nick and Warrick entered the room. Sara looked up, begging for help. Warrick immediately made his way over to Catherine. He crouched down in front of her and took her hands in his. "Cath, what's going on?" In her left hand he saw the crumpled note.

"Cath?" Nick positioned himself between Sara and Warrick.

In between sobs Catherine could get three words out, "He's gone."

Nick and Warrick glanced at each other in bewilderment. Sara, on the other hand, suddenly went as pale as Catherine. Dread spread through her body. She jumped up and ran over to the orchid, ripping out the little card. Instead of the expected 'From Grissom' there was a short note.

"_I'm sorry Sara,_

_but I do have feelings... especially for you._

_I'm sorry._

_Grissom"_

Cold spread, starting in her heart. She started shaking.

Nick turned to her and found her in a similar state as Catherine. "Sara!" he called, trying to get her attention.

At the same time, Warrick was trying to get more out of Catherine. The sobs had slowed to crying and an occasional hiccup. "Cath, please tell me what happened," Warrick insisted.

"He... he left," she stuttered again. To Nick and Warrick it still made no sense, but the reaction of the two women scared them.

"Who?" Warrick sat down beside Catherine and wrapped his arms around her.

It was Sara, though, who answered, "Grissom." Her tone was flat and emotionless.

Warrick glanced back and forth between the two female CSIs. Nick felt like someone had stabbed him as he remembered the day before. Everyone was shocked.

Catherine opened her hand and held it out for Warrick to see. He took the piece of paper from her. Before reading it, he looked at Catherine again for confirmation. When she nodded slightly he straightened the paper. Reading it he gasped. He didn't want to believe it. Out loud he started to read for the other CSIs.

"Catherine, if you want to, the supervisor job is yours. I cleared everything with Carvallo. I wish you more luck than I had at being boss. You deserve this promotion. Don't mess it up. In your inbox (and in the boxes of the others) is the best recommendation I could give you. Tell Lindsey I will miss her. Grissom."

Warrick sped through the note out of fear he would get stuck and would not be able to continue. Like the others he couldn't believe that Grissom was really gone. Despite his words to him a while back, he had never really believed he would just be gone from one day to the other. He thought they would see him packing at least. But he had done it.

On Sara, guilt weighted heavily. 'What have I done?' she asked herself. She didn't want to, couldn't accept, that Grissom was really gone.

TBC


	2. Doing something… or not

Flight

By Dany

Author's note: Ok, normally I'm not one to request feedback, because I think the stories should speak for themselves and if you want to review then that's great. But this was the first CSI story I wrote and it means a lot to me since a lot of work went into it. I would really appreciate your opion so I can know if I'm slipping or if it's worth continuing. Ok, so much about me begging…

Thanks again to Amy!

xxxxx

Chapter 2 (Doing something… or not)

Luckily for the CSI team, Las Vegas had decided to give them a break that night. There were no new cases. The only case that still needed some attention was the child abuse case from last night. The father was already in custody. Only the reports had to be written. Concentration was hard for any of the CSIs, most of them were lost in their own worlds. Their grim mood seemed to have settled onto the whole lab, although they hadn't informed anyone else yet.

Sara, Nick and Warrick were in the break room, pretending to work on their reports, when Catherine walked into the room with Jim Brass in tow. She looked somewhat more composed and there was an air of determination around her. "We have a new case."

The three CSIs at the table looked up, not really motivated to go out into the field. Catherine sighed. "Before I give you any details, I want to tell you that this is an unofficial investigation and none of you have to participate." She looked from one CSI to the next only to be greeted with confusion.

"It's a missing person." That got everyone's attention. Catherine thought she could see understanding rising in Sara's eyes.

"48 year old male. Didn't show up for work. His colleagues and friends reported him missing." A slow smile started to appear on Warrick's face as he realized what Catherine was doing. Nick only let out a long breath in understanding.

"Catherine filled me in," Brass said, "and I for one am not gonna let him get away with this shit." He was angry, angry that his so-called friend had only left him a note saying, 'I'll be in touch.'

"And I already said I would only accept the position if it was merited. Him running away like that, leaving me to deal with all this shit… he just can't do that. I won't accept the position like this, no matter what his stupid little note says. I'm gonna hunt him down and demand an explanation." Catherine seemed to be recovering and determined to get some answers.

She and Brass looked into the round of their friends. "I could understand if you didn't want to be part of this. There is a possibility that this will appear on your record. And if you don't want to jeopardize your…"

"I'm in," Warrick didn't even let her finish, "I owe him big time." He was well aware what Grissom had done for him.

"Me too," Nick tried to hide his guilt unsuccessfully. Everyone saw that there was something on his mind. "I owe him an apology," He didn't elaborate, but everyone could guess what this was about. After returning to the hospital, Nick had thought long and hard about what he had said to Grissom and he had realized that he'd had no right to say what he did. He knew Grissom hurt like everyone else, especially concerning children, but he simply did not show it. He had wanted to apologize first thing the next shift, not only to his boss, but also to the man he looked up to as a father figure.

The only one who remained silent was Sara. She still didn't know whether to be angry with him, throwing the damn plant into the wall, or give in to her feelings of hurt and cling to it like a life raft. She also didn't know whether she really wanted to find him right know. What would she do once she came face to face with him?

The others were staring at her, waiting for her decision. When she noticed that all eyes were on her, she had to think of something. "I… I… I have work to do," she stammered and left the room, not meeting the eyes of her friends. She couldn't commit to this, not when she wasn't sure about her feelings.

The others stared at her retreating back. Never would they have thought that Sara wouldn't want to be a part of this.

TBC


	3. A CSI’s skill

Flight

By Dany

A/N: Wow. I was overwhelmed by the response I got. Thanks. (Keep letting me know if I'm on the right path). And before you go, she has no clue about computers, let me tell you I have absolutely no clue about computers ;)

xxxxx

Chapter 3 (A CSI's skill)

The next two days remained equally quiet with only a robbery and a suicide. The team tried unsuccessfully to track Grissom down. Only Sara did nothing to help. She had retreated to her own world. Both nights she came to work looking like a ghost. She spoke only when absolutely necessary.

The others worried about her as much as they did about Grissom. Nick had tried to get her to go to breakfast with him, since he had the strong suspicion she wasn't eating, but his only answer was a cold look before she left him standing in the parking lot.

Catherine had wanted her to come over to her place to talk over a beer hoping she would get her to open up or at least make sure she got some sleep. But this invitation was also shot down with nothing more than a glance. Warrick and Jim had yet to think of another tactic to approach her.

Shift was over and Sara was in the locker room getting ready to leave when she looked in the mirror. What she saw there scared her. She thought she had looked bad before, after he turned her down, but now she didn't even recognize herself. She was more than tired. She had been tired a week ago. Now she was... she had almost no energy left, no color remained in her face, no spark of life in her eyes.

This had to stop.

She had to move on with her life. A life without Grissom.

There was only one problem though. She was not ready for that.

Grissom still had a vital part of her and she needed it back. But to achieve that she had to find him. Maybe it was time she started looking for him.

She took her knapsack and went over to his office, hoping to find it unoccupied. It was.

She decided to check his desk first, but after methodically going through his drawers she came up empty. The rest of the office consisted mainly of showcases and jars filled with dead animals, a couch and the blackboard. The blackboard held nothing personal. This was a dead end.

Just as she was about to leave her eyes fell on the terrarium that housed Grissom's tarantula. Something drew her to it. The large arachnid was still there, sitting under a rock in one of the corners. When she looked closer she saw something shiny sticking out of the sand. Sara was afraid of spiders and she battled with herself whether to reach in and grab what looked to be a key or just leave it. The object was at the other end of the tank. Maybe she could get it out of there fast enough without disturbing the spider. Opening the lid she placed her hand above it. She tried to memorize the location of the object. With one last look to assure her the spider was in her corner she closed her eyes and reached in.

Pulling her hand back again as fast as she could she opened her eyes and grinned in triumph.

It was indeed a key, a house key.

That was so Grissom. Never trust someone with the key to your house, trust your 'watch spider'.

She knew the others had already gone through his house, but it was worth a try. After all, she found something in his office that they didn't.

xxxxx

Opening the front door, the first thing she noticed was how quiet it was in his house. It was as quiet as she had imagined it. She knew Grissom was someone who reveled in silence, although he tended to turn his classical music on too loud.

She liked the silence too and she had imagined what it would be like, to sit next to him on the couch in peaceful silence reading the latest issue of 'Forensic Science'. It was one of her favorite fantasies.

The knowledge that this would never happen made her feel more desperate to end this. This could not be healthy.

She shook her head in an attempt to free herself of these useless thoughts and focus on the task at hand. She started at his desk and worked her way through the rooms.

Some drawers seemed disturbed and she knew the others had gone through it as well. It seemed odd that there was so much of him left here. With the speed of his departure he obviously hadn't had time to clean out his things.

On one of his bedroom wall she notice a void between showcases. Probably a very special specimen he didn't want to leave behind. She examined the remaining showcases more closely and her heart missed a beat when she realized that indeed a very special one was not here anymore. Grissom always said that coincidences were scientific anomalies. So, she dared to hope that this was no coincidence.

When she arrived in Las Vegas she had a present for him in her luggage. It was a Morpho Cacica caterpillar with brown / metallic-blue color she had found in an old little shop far away from the tourism center in San Francisco. When she had seen it, it was as if it had spoken to her, enticing her to buy it for Grissom. She did and when she had given it to him at their first shared breakfast he had been very pleased, saying that he didn't own one of this species yet.

And now it wasn't there anymore. Her heart refused to believe that he had simply lost it or thrown it away. No, that couldn't be.

But still, this didn't help her find him. She needed to start over again. She went through his desk for a second time. Her fingers touched a folder with the title 'Gilbert College of the Deaf' and without really knowing why she picked it up. Opening it she saw various articles on otosclerosis. She quickly scanned through them. And when it registered what she had read a lump formed in her stomach. How could she have missed that? Of course she had been too preoccupied with her own feelings of hurt, but this should have been obvious. She was a CSI for Christ's sake. How could he have kept this a secret?

She took one article and pocketed it. Maybe it could help.

Encouraged by her findings she kept looking. After finding nothing more in the living room, she wandered into the kitchen. 'There's always a clue' Grissom's voice kept repeating inside her head.

And indeed, her luck, or her skill, won out again. She found a slip of paper in the trashcan with a mail account on it, entomogg. This had possibilities. The paper went to join the article in her pocket.

Now on to the second step: research.

xxxxx

Sara had taken the night off not really wanting to face the others. They would just question her about how she was feeling and try to get her to join them in their search. Catherine had questioned her on the phone, but had complied with her request. Sara told her that she needed some time for herself and Catherine seemed to accept that.

Now she was sitting at her computer doing something that could be described as illegal. After retrieving some more information on otosclerosis she turned to his mail account. Well, she had the name so the only thing she needed was the password. Since it was Grissom it was probably something bug related, but still, that could be almost anything. It could even be some mile long Latin name.

She only had three tries before a notice would go to the account. After staring at the monitor for five more minutes, she had decided on a first try: tarantula.

Failed logon!

Okay, next try: Beatles. His favorite joke.

Failed logon!

The possibilities were endless, how was she supposed to pick the right one? The staring at the screen continued. Her mind started to drift. 'I do have feelings... especially for you!' His words haunted her. What if... no, that couldn't be.

She typed in carpet beetle, only to erase it again. Could it be?

No. She typed in carpet beetle again, but her hand halted over the return key. What if?

'I do have feelings... especially for you! 'I do have feelings... especially for you! Especially for you! For you! For you!'

Before she really noticed her fingers had erased the nasty crawler and typed in Sara Sidle. And before her brain could object the return key was pressed. She closed her eyes in fear of what she might see. Seeing 'Failed logon!' again would be bad, because then she would have to find another way in.

But if she was in wouldn't that be in some way even worse? That would proof that he really cared, but didn't want to do anything.

And he ran. From her?

But she needed to know. She had vowed to herself that she would resolve this. She could do this.

The shrill ringing of her phone made her eyes snap open. The phone faded immediately into the background when she saw that she was in.

TBC


	4. Meeting the Mrs

Chapter 4 (Meeting the Mrs.)

A/N: I'm still WOW over all the response I get for my fics (especially this one). Thanks. But you know what else has come up. Now I have a serious case of fear that you might not like where this is going. But I'm happy with the way the story goes and just have to remind myself of that.

Please bear in mind that this is fiction and I don't mean to offend anyone through mistakes I might have made.

xxxxx

Sara walked down the corridor. It was a typical hospital corridor – sterile, colorless and uncomfortable. She was in Santa Monica, California, hoping to find Grissom.

After debating with herself about the morals of her action, she had read his last email. It had been a mail to his mother, written after he had left her in the lab. He was coming home and he was having surgery there. Her heart had broken at the vulnerability that shone through his words. He had thought that there was nothing left for him in Vegas. He didn't want to come back after his surgery.

She had to talk to him. That had been her only thought. And now she was here in the hospital.

Already standing at the airport, she had called the lab to arrange for some time off. They were not pleased, but she had made it clear that a no was not an option. In the end, they had complied, not wanting to risk losing another CSI in one week.

When Sara reached the ENT-ward she asked a nurse about him, but the nurse told her that he was in surgery and nothing else could be divulged to her since she was not family. She had tried to argue with her, but the other woman stood firm. When Sara turned to go into the waiting room, hoping that she could argue with the doctor later, the nurse called her back. "Oh, by the way, you might want to talk to his family. I think his mother is in the waiting room. Then she turned back to her work, forgetting about Sara.

Sara moved again in the direction of the waiting area. An elderly woman looked up when she entered the waiting room and before Sara even reached her, the woman was out of her seat. "You must be Sara," she smiled and held out her hand in greeting.

Sara was totally perplexed. She had never met this woman, whom she guessed was Grissom's mother, or even talked to her, but she seemed to know her. Had Grissom talked about her and shown his mother a picture of her? But where would he get one? She was so different, so open and affectionate. If this was the woman who raised him, then why was he so drawn back?

"How... how do you know who I am?" Sara was still stuck on the first question. Then she remembered with dismay that Mrs. Grissom probably couldn't hear her.

But the woman surprised her and answered anyway. "Gil talks about you a lot." She must have seen the confusion on Sara's face and spoke again. "I am Harriet Grissom. Sorry, I should have introduced myself first. And yes, I am deaf, but quite adapt at reading lips. So don't worry. As long as you look at me while talking we should be fine."

Sara realized now what Grissom had been doing for the past year when he was staring at people's faces - her face. How could she have missed all the signs?

"How much has he told you?" She was scared that she was the reason he had given up the job he loved so much.

"He told me he made the biggest mistake in his life," Sara nodded thinking about his career, but was shocked when Grissom's mother went on, "by hurting you." Sara's eyes went wide as she took in what the older woman had said. Her knees where threatening to give out.

Harriet Grissom must have caught that, because she said, "Come on, let's go sit over there. We will be here for a while." She led Sara over to the seats like a little child, but at that moment she was too stunned to protest.

"You know, when Gil told me how beautiful you are, I thought it was just love talking out of him, but know I can see he didn't exaggerate."

Sara's head began to swim and she had started hyperventilating. Love? Grissom loved her? And then that word again, beautiful.

"Honey, put your hand over your nose and mouth or you'll pass out." Mrs. Grissom held Sara's hands up and she did as told. "I'm sorry I scared you. I shouldn't have said that, but it's a bad habit. I say what's on my mind without sugarcoating it. That's why I prefer sign language, my mouth can't get away there. It's much more deliberate."

When her breathing had slowed again and the black dots started to disappear from her vision, Sara looked at the woman sitting next to her. This was Gil Grissom's mother? The woman who had raised such an immensely private man? It was hard to believe. Yet, there was something about her that made Sara feel connected. Something that she usually attributed to Grissom.

"Why don't I just shut up for now and let you talk?"

Sara looked at Grissom's mother once more, trying to decide what to ask, what to say. "Did he tell you why he came here?"

Harriet Grissom shook her head, "No."

"He left without telling anyone. I... I think it was my fault." Sara bent her head not being able to look her in the eyes. Then she felt a soft hand on her chin, turning her head up again. She was mortified that she had already forgotten that Mrs. Grissom couldn't hear her. "Sorry."

Mrs. Grissom only nodded. "Why do you think it's your fault?"

Sara desperately wanted to look away again. If she told his mother what she had done she probably would get angry with her for hurting her son. "You can tell me."

She had such a nice soothing voice and Sara found she couldn't keep the heartache inside any longer. She did something she had never done before. She opened herself to practically a stranger and told Grissom's mother everything that happened between them since she had come to Vegas.

xxxxx

Two hours later they still sat in the waiting room, but now in comfortable silence. Sara felt somewhat lighter after having told someone. Mrs. Grissom had only interrupted her when she couldn't read something or when Sara was talking to fast, but otherwise she seemed to 'listen' raptly. She didn't judge Sara for what she did.

Only when Sara was finished, did Harriet Grissom say, "Don't worry Sara, it wasn't your fault. My son had already so much on his mind. It would have happened sooner or later."

And then they fell into silence, waiting for results from the OR. Sara had started wondering what she should do once Grissom was out of surgery. Would he even want to see her? Would he forgive her for the violation of his privacy?

She knew that he wouldn't be able to hear for a while. One of the articles she read stated that it could take even up to a month if surgery was successful. But she needed to talk to him and she didn't think she could wait a whole month. And what if he didn't regain his hearing? No, she didn't want to go there.

Even if they couldn't talk right away, she wanted to see him – if only to assure herself that he made it through surgery just fine. She would go in there even if he didn't want that. Her resolve strengthened... right up until a doctor made his way towards them.

Mrs. Grissom stood up and was anxious to hear about her son's condition. The doctor was very optimistic that Grissom would regain most of his hearing and stated that they only wanted to keep him for the night to make sure that the anesthesia wore off well and that there would be no primary infection. "You can see him in about thirty minutes, when we've got him settled," he told the two women and then headed down the hall to another patient.

Sara couldn't help the small smile that lightened up her face. She was so relieved that everything would be all right for Grissom. Well, not everything. She had to find out why he left Vegas.

His mother looked equally relieved. Turning to Sara she said, "Now he just needs to heal... in more ways than one."

She gave the younger woman a smile that gave her hope. Maybe she wouldn't have to give up. Maybe she just needed to fight a little bit longer. She just hoped she had enough strength left.

TBC


	5. Waking up

Chapter 5 (Waking up)

A/N: New chapter and here we go, sleeping beauty opening her (ehm I mean HIS) eyes. Notice that I've got nothing more to say. Oh yeah, besides thanks ITB!

xxxxx

When they entered his room, Sara was shocked. He looked so pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. His head was bandaged making it look huge compared to the rest of him in the sterile white bed surrounded by machines. He was only attached to a heart monitor and an IV, but it still scared her.

His mother, though, seemed to take it all in stride. She lowered herself next to her son and took his hand without hesitation. "Sara?"

Sara's feet wouldn't move although she longed to touch him, to be with him.

"Sara?" Mrs. Grissom repeated again, sounding more concerned about her than about her son. But then, she had almost passed out in the hallway.

Finally she could get her legs to move and she went over to the other side of Grissom. She didn't dare to touch him, not knowing what would happen. Every time they touched some sort of electricity flowed through her body. She didn't know if she could handle that right now and she didn't want to disturb him anyway.

In silence, his mother seemed content to just sit there and hold his hand, while Sara studied him some more.

His face looked so different. It was slightly bloated and with the dark circles and the paleness he looked so much older than he was. Was that how he saw himself, she wondered, as old? She knew he had issues with their age difference. Maybe she perceived the age gap different, because she saw him differently. For her he was just Grissom and it didn't matter how old he was. But for him... maybe he only saw his age when he looked in the mirror. That was just one more thing they had to talk about.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she almost didn't hear the faint voice calling her name. "Sara?"

It sounded like Grissom. When she looked at his face again, she saw that his eyes were still closed. He seemed to be still asleep. His left hand was clenching and unclenching. Out of reflex her hand took his in an attempt to give him something to hold onto. His hand gripped hers tightly and he sighed. "Sara." It was as if he could feel her presence.

Sara didn't need to look up to know that Grissom's mother was watching her. She pushed this knowledge back into her mind and focused on Grissom again.

Now that their hands were touching the electricity was flowing through her and it made her feel more alive then she had in a while. She wanted him to wake up, but she was scared that he wouldn't want to see her and would send her away.

In his sleep he turned towards her warmth. Startled she looked at his mother afraid she would be hurt that her son was turning away from her. But all she saw was a smile.

"Sara, he wants you. He just doesn't know what to do when he's awake. If you don't believe me, believe this." She gestured to their intertwined hands.

At her words a sharp pain shot through Sara. Unknowingly Grissom's mother had used almost the same words he had only a couple of days ago. 'I don't know what to do about this.' Why couldn't he tell her what he wanted? Damnit Grissom!

xxxxx

Slowly his eyes fluttered open. He turned his head even further into Sara's direction. She swallowed hard, knowing that this was the moment of truth.

Her thumb traced circles on his hand. This motion soothed him, but also made him want to go back to sleep. Part of his brain reminded him that he was in a hospital, that he had surgery and that it was important that he woke up. He tried to open his eyes once more and was able to get them halfway open.

At first, the strong hospital lights blinded him, but his eyes adjusted fast and he saw a soft young female hand caressing his old speckled one. He would recognize that hand everywhere, but his brain told him it couldn't be, so he decided he must be dreaming. It was a nice dream, but definitely a dream.

He let his gaze wander from her hand up her arm to her neck – another part he would recognize everywhere. Her long slender neck was always calling out to him to caress it, to kiss it and play with it.

When his eyes finally reached her face he saw her lips quivering, although she tried to smile. Her eyes were swimming with tears.

But suddenly he noticed something else. Sara's eyes were alight with pain and fear. And both were there because of him. He had seen it before, but not with such clarity. He flinched when he took her pain on himself. "I'm sorry," he croaked. He knew now that it wasn't a dream. She was really here and she hurt. "I'm so sorry."

She tried to smile again and shushed him, but he wouldn't listen. He kept repeating his apologies until she let her fingers slide over his cheek and gave his hand a light squeeze. Her tears where falling now, but he could see that they weren't only from pain and sadness. They were also tears of relief.

"It's okay." She told him, making sure to speak slowly so he could read her lips. "You need rest. Sleep now, talk later." The sadness was receding from her eyes and a slight sparkle appeared. One he hadn't seen in a while.

He nodded at her in agreement to her postponement. His eyes were getting heavy again, when he saw her look over the bed. He followed her gaze and realized for the first time that there was someone else in the room.

Through their exchange Mrs. Grissom had sat in silence content to watch the interaction between her son and the woman he needed. "Mom." It sounded even more forced than before.

She quickly signed to him that everything would be ok and that he should rest. They wouldn't be going anywhere.

TBC


	6. Age is relative

Chapter 6 (Age is relative)

A/N: Again, thanks for your responses. I'm glad to know that someone out there likes what I write, especially this story. There is, by the way, no end in sight for the mushyness – not for a few chapters yet, but eventually there will be some action again. I promise!

xxxxx

The following day they were allowed take Grissom home. He was very glad to be out of the hospital and Sara was happy that she would not see him so pale in a white hospital bed anymore.

Mrs. Grissom had offered to let her stay at her house. That way she wouldn't have to be bothered with a hotel. And, she could spend time with Grissom. The older woman had realized that Sara was the one thing her son needed more than anything else.

The next few days were spent in a repeating pattern. In the mornings they would have breakfast together with his mother. At nine Mrs. Grissom would head for her gallery while Grissom and Sara moved to the veranda where they spend most of their time reading, only broken by a short lunch. They would return inside at five when Grissom's mother returned from work. After dinner the silence continued while they started on their books again.

The silence was mostly comfortable. Only when she would think too much about where to go from here Sara felt her fear returning. And in those moments she felt the pain welling up in her, waiting for the sting of another rejection.

Oddly as oblivious as Grissom usually was, these days he always seemed to know when she needed reassurance. He would look up from his reading and smile at her.

She was happy about their fragile truce, but she also wished for the waiting to be over. The longer these things lay between them unspoken the more they hurt.

On the fourth day after Grissom came out of the hospital her patience finally ran out.

After Mrs. Grissom had gone and he had settled on the veranda she sat down in front of him and touched his arm to get his attention. As soon as he saw the serious look on her face he knew time was up. No more hiding, he had to face her and in turn himself. He nodded in acknowledgement. "Who will start?" he swallowed and laid his book down on the side table.

"I would like to ask you something before we start," Sara asked tentatively.

Both knew this would be hard, physically and mentally, but it needed to be done. Grissom nodded again. His hearing was getting better and he could hear her now, although very muted, but he still had to read lips for the most part.

"Did you mean it?" she couldn't read his expression. He was concentrating too hard. "Do you have feelings for me?"

Grissom took his time, formulating his answer. He briefly considered using a copout, but discarded the thought knowing he couldn't hurt her anymore. This time he would have to tell her the truth. He sought out her eyes needing her to see the truth in his. "It wasn't a lie. Everything I wrote was true. I do have feelings for you."

The wise thing would have been to stop here, but suddenly he felt the need for her to know everything. "But these feelings are very conflicting feelings. I've been trying to sort them out for a while – unsuccessfully."

Sara knew that feeling and doing were two different pairs of shoes, but she couldn't help the flicker of hope that arose again. When Grissom didn't elaborate she decided to plow on with the next question. "Why are you so dead-set on not exploring these feelings?"

She had opened herself as target again. She was scared of being hurt and this time beyond repair. But she needed to get it all out; otherwise she would never be able to let go.

Grissom felt a big lump in his throat making it hard for him to breathe. The fear was back and all he wanted to do was run away from this. He already had, but he knew now that it hurt and would probably never stop hurting if he didn't face it. He had so much more to gain if he tried, because by doing nothing, hiding from it and avoiding it the situation only got worse and he was losing what he was trying so hard to preserve. At least by facing it, her, there was a slim chance of having it.

"I'm scared."

She had already gathered that and wanted to urge him on, but she knew it was a big admission coming from him. She swallowed down the 'why' that wanted to escape from her throat and waited for him to continue.

"I'm old Sara." She wanted to object, but he forestalled her with a lifted hand. "I am old, because I feel old. I feel like I haven't really done anything in my life. The sad thing is, I never wanted to do anything, anything but study. My bugs, forensics, even people to a certain extent. Only from a safe distance of course."

She couldn't really believe that he thought that. That he didn't know what he had accomplished.

He held up his hand again. He wanted to get everything out, before she could ask questions. If he didn't, he would lose his resolve and bolt.

"I don't have anything to offer. Beside my social shortcomings there is my rapidly aging body with a waning hearing. You...you deserve so much more."

Sara wanted to tell him so badly that she didn't care, but she could tell he was not finished.

"And I'm scared that you're not seeing that. In time though, and I have no doubt about that, you will. And what will happen to me then? I will be nothing. When you leave, there will be nothing left of me. 'This' is just too powerful and that scares me." He was talking as if everything was set in stone, as if her using him and leaving him was inevitable. Couldn't he see that she would never do that to him?

"I won't even begin to tell you about the professional risks, cause I know you know about them. But through all this, I do have feelings. I have very strong feelings for you. And even if you didn't believe me when I told you that I didn't know what to do about this, it is true. I don't know what to do."

When he finally finished his monologue she could see the tears streaming down his face and she knew that she didn't fare much better. He still hadn't said what kind of feelings he had, but first she needed to convince him that she knew what to do.

She opened her mouth to argue with him shut it again seeing the exhaustion in his whole stance. This speech had taken a big toll on him. He probably wouldn't be able to follow her. An idea formed in her head. She could get him to rest a bit and prepare something to tell him everything she needed to without being interrupted by him.

"Griss, I know you're eager to get this done, and so am I. But you're tired. I can see the weariness in your eyes. And I'm afraid right now you couldn't understand everything I say and there would be misunderstandings. This is too important. Please, rest for a while and then we will continue. All right? I know it's hard, but try?" Her fingers caressed his face, willing him to see that she was serious and that this conversation was immensely important to her too.

Although he was almost desperate for any reaction from her right now, he knew she was right. It was much harder to follow her lips than it had been at the start of this and he also feared that he might miss something, so he relented. He closed his eyes hoping that his mind would be able to shut down.

TBC


	7. A letter of truth

Chapter 7 (A letter of truth)

A/N: Ok, this is Sara's part of the confession. Don't shoot me, if it's too sentimental. That's just a mushy story. I don't know how it came to that (honestly!).

Sorry for the weird format, but this program wouldn't quite do what I wanted.

xxxxx

Sara had retreated inside to gather her thoughts. Now she knew what he had to go through every day because of her. She knew he had reservations, but never would she have expected such a deeply rooted fear. No wonder he had retreated from her advances.

Time to put her plan into action. If it worked then she could get everything out and come closer to him without either of them having the possibility to backtrack. She put extra care into every word. It was supposed to be perfect.

She spent the remainder of the morning on her plan. By the time they usually had lunch she was done. She prepared some fruit for herself and a soup for Grissom. That was about the extent of her cooking skills, but for today it would suffice.

She called him in and they ate in silence. Their minds were still hovering over their earlier conversation and what would follow. Finally Grissom couldn't stand it anymore.

"Sara, please." She put her plate away and moved to stand next to him. He looked up at her and read her lips.

"I think _this_ will be easier for both of us." She handed him a letter. "When you're done, and I want you to read it to the end before you do anything, I'll be waiting for you outside."Sara saw him nod in understanding and left the room to take a walk on the beach.

Grissom was apprehensive about reading the letter. He was afraid that he might not like what she had to say, but he was even more afraid that he would. The fear was growing again just as his resolve to go through with this was waning. But then he saw her, how hurt and scared she had been in the hospital and he started to read.

xxxxx

_Dear Grissom, _

_As you know, language is not one of my strong suits, so please forgive me if my words may sound clumsy to you or you stumble over the sluggish ones.  
I admire a lot of things about you. Most of all, I admire your vast knowledge. You never seize to amaze me with some little tidbit of information.  
I also admire that, as a consequence, you're almost always right. But this time you're wrong  
You're wrong about this. You're wrong about yourself. You're wrong about me. And your wrong about us._

_You're wrong trying to sort this out alone. You treat everything in life like a science experiment, everything but us. Try to look at it from a different angle. If we were an experiment what would you do? It's always trial and error. If you can't make it work on the first try, try again. If you're stuck, ask for another opinion. If it is something that you can't do alone, get help. Try until you succeed. _

_You're wrong about yourself. You think so little of yourself. Why is that?   
I never knew that you think you haven't done anything. I never thought you didn't know what you have achieved. You tell me your work doesn't matter and I simply can't believe that. Don't you see what I see?  
I see someone who has accomplished things most men – and women – can only dream of.  
I see someone who helped thousands of families through his work.  
I see someone well respected for his extensive knowledge, and not only in his own field. Your reputation is well known throughout the whole country.  
I see someone a lot of people look up to.  
I see someone who has earned so much respect that people – his friends – stand by him, risking their jobs.  
In short, a lot of people would be glad to be in your position.  
Why did you try to destroy this? Over the last year you seem to have given up. You were trying so hard to deconstruct your picture to those who admire you the most. Why?  
You are somebody!  
Your personal life...I can't talk about something I almost know nothing about. But I can tell you that you are refusing yourself a lot. I'm not the only one who cannot find a way in.  
You have friends, Grissom, they like you, but you're denying yourself our friendship.  
We used to be friends, real friends. Now it's gone. Why?  
I know you're scared, but you wouldn't have to think so low of yourself if you could let someone help you when you stumble.  
Please try. Whatever happens, please try.  
_

_You're wrong about me.  
You must think I'm superficial, judging you by the cover.  
You imply that I don't know what I'm doing, what I want.  
I think the problem is that you think this is a crush, and infatuation. Let me tell you something.  
IT IS NOT!  
Grissom, I've had these feelings for a while know. And I've been fighting them just as long, but they won't go away. I don't want to put a name to my feelings yet, but it is not a crush or a mere infatuation. That is for sure.  
I don't care that you're older than me. Age is nothing I think about.  
I don't care that your body is not one of a model. Nobody wants that anyway.  
I don't care that one day you might lose your hearing.  
I don't care that you need glasses. In fact I think they do you good.  
I don't care about all the imperfections. I care about YOU.  
I like you the way you are. I would never expect you to change anything just to appear younger. I have already seen all that, seen you, and I am still here.  
I can't predict the future Grissom anymore than you do, so can't we just wait and see what really happens?  
What If I had an accident at the lab and lost my hearing? What if I go blind with age? What if I lost my ability to walk in an accident? Would that influence the way you feel about me?  
Give me a little credit here. You once said you trusted me, my work.  
So trust me to decide what I deserve.  
You're also wrong about me walking out on you. I am not that flighty.  
I know I've made mistakes. I know you think that I will leave because of someone like Hank.  
I will tell you this one more time, and only one more time. We were friends, and nothing more. I went to him because you kept pushing me away. I'm not saying that it was entirely your fault, it was mine too.  
I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I saw it in your eyes when Gerard mentioned him. I didn't mean for it to happen like that. Please believe me that I'm sorry.  
You said I deserved a life. If I had had even a glimmer of hope from you that that life could be with you, I would have never looked anywhere else.  
There is nothing else I have to say about this. If you choose not to believe me, I can't make you see the truth.  
As I said there are no guarantees in life. The only thing I can promise you, is that my feelings for you won't simply vanish. They are here, they are strong and they are lasting._

_So basically, what I'm trying to tell you is:  
You're wrong about US.  
We can work through everything together. We are scientists and our specialty is problem solving.  
Please, give us a chance to solve this problem.  
Give us a chance._

_Please_

_Sara_

xxxxx

Grissom clutched the paper in his hands and let the tears flow. Her truth had invaded his heart and it was now fighting even harder against his head.

He still didn't know what to do, but he knew now what he wanted.

He wanted Sara.

TBC


	8. Talk and progress are not as hard as the...

Chapter 8 (Talk and progress are not as hard as they seem)

A/N: Glad you liked the last chapter. I was fretting over the letter and if it set the right mood and now I'm relieved that it did. To all those whose review give me courage to continue my writing!

xxxxx

Sara arrived back at the house some time later and expected him to be back out on the veranda. He was nowhere in sight, though.

Her walk had made her uneasy again, doubting her choice. The time alone had left her too much room to think and she had come up with a lot of worst-case scenarios. It had been right to go after him and to finally confront him, of that she was sure now, but that didn't make her any less scared. So much was depending on his reaction.

Please, let him get it right this time, she prayed. She couldn't give him another chance. This was the last one.

As she sat there, staring out on the ocean, she was too deep in thoughts to hear him come up behind her. Grissom was enthralled by her beauty. Her hair was reflecting the light, her eyes reflecting the ocean. But she was tense, probably because of him. Given his past behavior she had no idea what to expect. He had to get this right, for himself as well as for her.

"Sara?" He didn't dare touch her, but she was startled nonetheless. She almost jumped out of the chair.

"Grissom!" She turned towards him and tried to read his face, but he had masked his emotions again. "Sit down?" Sara asked unable to keep the nervousness out of her voice.

He nodded and took a seat across from her so that he had an unobstructed view of her face.

"Who should start?" She would have loved to just let him do the talking. That way, if her turned her down, she wouldn't embarrass herself even further.

"I would like to ask you something." When Sara didn't object he continued. "How longâ how long have you had these feelings?"

Her eyes widened with surprise. She had not expected him to accept her words so easily. She thought about it and then a smile spread over her face.

"Since I met you." Her voice carried a confidence she didn't quite feel and she hoped he wouldn't pick up on her insecurity.

Now it was Grissom's turn to be shocked.

"They weren't this strong. They grew with every conversation, with every look, with every smile, with working side by side." He nodded in understanding. He wanted to reach out to her, assure her that she hadn't said too much, but he was still too scared.

"Sara, I have to be honest with you."

She tensed, bracing for the blow she knew would come. She had been waiting for it since his eyes opened in the hospital room. But his next words were not what she had waited for.

"Sara, Iâ The problem has never been that I don't have feelings for you. I hope you know that." He lowered his head so that he wouldn't have to see the pain in her eyes at his next words. "The problem is, I am so scared that I don't know what to doâ aboutâ you and me."

This time he had named the issue and didn't try to avoid it. That alone was progress. Their relationship was not a 'this' anymore. Grissom had realized that they needed to address it.

With his head down she couldn't talk to him so she lifted his chin to meet his eyes. "Are you scared of me?" She tried to banish the pain from her voice and cling to the hope of 'you and me'.

"I'm a bit intimidated by your strength, but I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of your power over me, I'm scared of the consequences and I'm scared of me – my reactions."

Sara didn't know how to respond to that.

"It's not that I want you to change. I admire you for your strength and the effect you have on people. It is me, Sara. I have to change. I have to deal with these fears, but I don't know how."

Grissom had just told her about his fears. He trusted her. Her hope grew. "Then let me help you. Let me show you."

She opened herself up even wider. She knew he needed to see what she felt. And he did. Her eyes shone with emotion. He could see her own fear, her hope, her willingness to help and he could see her love.

Yes, her love. He had finally put a name to this feeling.

And if she loved him, wasn't it ok to love her back?

"It's no crush!" It was only a statement, but it was delivered with tears in his eyes, because it meant so much more. Sara smiled trough her own tears. It was the first real 'Sara smile' since he started pushing her away. He was starting to accept the truth.

"I'm here." Now he just had to believe that she wanted to be with him and was there to stay.

Grissom reached for her hand in confirmation. He gave it a light squeeze and smiled back at her. "Where do I start?"

"Start by telling me you're done running. Promise me you will come to me first. Then we can talk and make it right again." Hearing these things from her, Grissom realized what he had put her through. And her fears had grown when he left Vegas.

"I know that's a lot to ask. It would be enough if you could at least give me an indication that something is wrong. Just one word, so that I know that you're having problems." She was trying to give him space and take baby steps. Everything else could scare him away.

For him, it was indeed a lot to ask, but if he wanted a chance with Sara he had to agree. "I promise."

Sara sighed in relief. Gil Grissom was a man who didn't promise things lightly. And if he did, he meant it.

"Thank you." She let her other hand travel up and down his arms in a move of comfort. "That was the first step. You up for a second one?" She saw him hesitating again. "Griss, it's nothing bad. I don't want you to declare yourself here and now with overt gestures like a dozen red roses or even a ring."

Smiling at him she squeezed his hand trying to get him to relax. "I was thinking about a walk on the beach. Nothing more. I want to show you that it's enough for me to be with you."

She couldn't make smaller steps, but she was willing to take them if it meant that they would get there eventually. She had waited so long and now that there was a definite possibility, she could wait even longer. She would show him that they could work and that he could trust her.

Grissom still felt the urge to run, but now he was strong enough to suppress it. He had to keep repeating 'I want Sara'. That little sentence gave him courage and determination.

He took both of her hands and pulled her up with him. A walk on the beach, he could do that. And maybe even a little bit more. He wanted to do it. So he surprised himself and Sara when he didn't let go of her hand once they were standing in the sand.

It was easier than he would have thought.

And so they walked along the beach, holding hands.

Grissom was relieved to have made progress and Sara reveled in the renewed hope that coursed through her.

TBC


	9. A way back?

Chapter 9 (A way back?)

A/N: Ok, last day in California and then... Almost finished, hang on. Only four more parts to go and then I'll promise I'll be quiet (Ok, maybe not, since I've already got some more stories on hold).  
Thanks again to Amy and ITB!

xxxxx

Over the next days their relationship and Grissom's health progressed.

The bandages on his ears where cut off and although he was supposed to keep things quiet he was able to hear.

The prognosis was good that with further proper healing his hearing would return to about ninety percent.

Sara discovered patience and contented herself with walks on the beach, a trip to a museum and a visit of Mrs. Grissom's art gallery. She was overjoyed that Grissom held her hand on all their excursions.

Their normal activities had also changed. At their meals Grissom would sit closer and their hands and eyes would frequently meet. During their reading sessions they would communicate again, pointing out and discussing articles or solving crossword puzzles together. They were reclaiming the easy companionship they had lost along the way. Sara could feel Grissom relaxing.

She hated to disturb this newfound peace, but she knew it was time that she brought up work. Even if he didn't want to, she had to return to Vegas.

She didn't know whether the team was still covering for Grissom. "Grissom," she called him from across the balcony table.

He looked up from his magazine and put it down when he saw the serious expression in her eyes. "You want to talk about work." He had been waiting for this topic to come up. She hadn't mentioned it once and although he had been curious as to how she could be here, he had never asked, fearing it would break their peace.

"No, we _have_ to talk about work," she countered.

"When are you going back?" Even as he said it he realized it sounded so final; as if it would end their blossoming relationship.

"I have to be back in three days. I took a two-week vacation. When are you going back?" It was said in all innocence, but both knew it was a challenge.

He snorted, not finding it funny at all. "Sara..."

"Grissom, we want you to come back." She brought her chair closer to his so she could touch him. She felt like they both needed the connection.

"Sara, I quit."

She gripped his hand tighter even as she smiled at him. "Do you want to come back?"

"It's done. I quit." He sounded awfully resigned and she feared that all the tentative steps they had made forward were about to come undone.

"Griss, listen. If it was only a question about whether you want to come back – back to Vegas, back to your friends, back to..." She didn't dare filling in the blank, but the 'me' hung heavy in the air. "Would you want to go back?"

Now was the time to see how much he was willing to invest in his – their – future. The words were stuck in his throat so he contented himself with nodding.

Sara's smile grew brighter at his response. "Then come back with me."

"I... even if I could, I'm not sure if I would be able to do this job. There are so many things wrong with me right now..." He took a deep breath not really wanting to elaborate.

Sara knew that and let it go, for now. "Grissom, we can work on this. And you could have your job back. Catherine is tying to save your ass right now. When I left they were trying to cover for you and keep your position open for you."

He was touched that his team was trying to help him, but at the same time, he didn't understand it. Catherine wanted to climb up the ladder and he was in her way. Sure, they were friends, but she needed this chance to prove herself.

And what about the rest? One reason he had left had been that no one seemed to respect his authority anymore – or maybe they never did. "Why," were they doing this? He was confused.

"Because we care about you. I know we all have a crappy way of showing that. We are no better than you, although we liked to believe so. Up until you left. We are all sorry. I am sorry." She had been waiting for this moment, when he was ready to hear her apologies.

"Grissom, I realize now how disrespectfully I've treated you. I had no right to say those things. I know that you feel deeply. I'm sorry." Tears were covering her face at the thought of how much she had hurt him.

"It's okay." His thumbs swiped over her face to erase her tears.

"Come back please. We can work through this. Maybe if we were in this together we can face our demons together." She knew now that it had been foolish of her to think that she could go on without him. Maybe if she accepted his help, he would let her help him and they could be together. "Please try."

The words from her letter reminded him again of his wish for a future. His new mantra 'I want Sara' echoed in his head and he felt himself nodding.

TBC


	10. Confrontation and Contemplation

Chapter 10 (Confrontation and Contemplation)

A/N: So, are they back or not? You have to read this to find out.

xxxxx

In the end, they decided to go back together and see what could be salvaged from Grissom's life. He made an appointment with Carvallo during the day before Sara's first night back. He didn't know exactly what he wanted to do in regards to his job, but figured he would just wait what his – former – boss had to say.

Sara was waiting anxiously in the parking lot. This could impact their whole lives and throw over everything they had accomplished over the last two weeks. When they arrived back yesterday it had been weird to separate for their own apartments. After two weeks of close proximity it seemed like something was ripped apart from her.

But then he had given her some part of himself at their parting.

Last night, they had kissed.

They had taken a cab from the airport and he had insisted on going to her place first. When she had left the cab he had followed her to the door. "I'll call you," he had promised and then he had leaned over and his lips had descended on hers. Gently at first, as if barely there, but then he intensified the contact.

Both felt the electricity coursing through them, warming their hearts.

When Grissom had pulled back it had been with regret. But it was to soon to delve into something deeper. He hadn't wanted to become scared and feel the need to flee again.

Sara had had similar thoughts and had been just a little bit disappointed that their kiss had come to an end. She knew they were making progress and she wouldn't do anything to risk it. "I'll be waiting," had been her only reply and she had turned to enter her apartment.

"Goodnight Sara." His hand had slid down her arms one last time before he had returned to the cab.

"Goodnight Grissom." The smile she wore lasted until he called that afternoon.

Over the phone they had agreed that she would pick him up, since he was still on medication, but they hadn't really discussed the kiss or their relationship. There seemed to be a silent agreement that they would postpone any other plans until Grissom knew what would happen to his career.

And now sitting here in the parking lot of the crime lab, there was nothing left to do for her but wait. It seemed to take awfully long, but finally she saw Grissom make his way across the parking lot. He did look... relieved.

Sara wondered if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

She opened the door to meet him halfway when she saw movement out of the corner of her eyes. Ecklie.

That was absolutely the last thing they needed right now. She knew Grissom could get very uncontrolled where the dayshift supervisor was concerned. For a moment she wondered whether she should join them in case she needed to interfere. A second later she thought better of it. Her presence would not put Grissom in a better position. It would not look good for both of them.

She watched both men from the car as they exchanged a few heated words until Grissom just turned and walked away. Ecklie stood dumbfounded for a few moments, but then entered the building.

The car door opened and Grissom slid into the passenger seat. He looked towards the entrance with an unreadable expression. "What did Ecklie want?"

"Just exchange a few pleasantries. He asked if I came to free the lab from my science projects." From his tone she could tell that he hadn't let the other man goad him. He didn't elaborate and they fell into silence.

Sara tried to give him time, but her patience was currently occupied in other things. Like trying not to kiss him again. "Well..." she probed.

Grissom turned to her with a grin. "Well!"

It was a typical Grissom response. Short, cryptically and it drove Sara nuts. "Grissom..."

He could hear the low threatening undertone and his grin widened. Where exactly this playful man came from, he didn't know. "Well!"

She sighed, trying to keep herself from hitting him, at the same time realizing how much she had missed the teasing and his dry sense of humor.

He let his hand move over her cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear that had covered her eyes. "Relax Sara. Everything is alright."

That was a bit more informative, but still frustratingly cryptic. "It's really ok, I will explain everything over dinner, ok?"

Dinner? Wait a minute. Was he asking her out?

He must have seen the question in her eyes and nodded in confirmation, the grin being replaced by a slow smile. "I want to take you to dinner Sara. Tell me I am not too late."

Now she saw a bit of fear creeping up in his blue eyes. "I thought I made it clear over the last two weeks that you're never going to be too late." And then he received a full Sara smile.

TBC


	11. Would you like to have dinner with me?

Chapter 11 (Would you like to have dinner with me?)

A/N: Our geeks do the next step. I hope this is what you had in mind. And for all those who hoped I'd go further, sorry, but good things come to those who wait.

xxxxx

Sara was surprised to find out that Grissom had reserved a table in a little restaurant outside of Vegas. It was not frequented by tourists. People came out here looking for a quiet spot away from the hectic buzz of sin city, to wind down from their every-day-stress. There was a nice back yard where one could sit beneath an arbor. And as she studied the menu she saw that half the dishes were vegetarian.

In short, it was perfect for a (romantic) dinner with Grissom.

She was completely stunned by his thoughtfulness.

After they had ordered – Sara chose a Greek salad and stuffed grilled mushrooms while Grissom went with a seafood pasta dish – he brought up work. He wanted to get it out of the way so they could enjoy their food. "So..." He still had that annoying grin plastered on his face.

"So..." Her face, on the other hand, showed her flaring temper.

"He took it pretty well. You were right, by the way. Catherine was holding my position. She convinced Carvallo to do so. The thing is... I don't know if I want my old position back."

Sara was about to interrupt him, but a simple look from him told her he was not finished yet. "Sara, I have already told you there was more to my leaving than just my hearing and the problems of the team. I feel like I'm close to burning out. I'm losing my passion for this work over all the administrative crap. I never wanted this, it just happened." He was looking deep in her eyes, willing her to see that it was his decision.

"And now, Carvallo made me an offer I cannot decline. I know I should have talked to you first, but I took it."

It was hard for Sara to sit there and listen. She was burning for him to tell her what would happen and she wanted to let him know that everything would be alright if only he didn't shut her out again.

"Catherine will officially be the nightshift supervisor from now on." She had to swallow a bit at that part, unsure how she felt with this revelation.

"I'm gonna be a normal CSI, well... almost. I am moving back to Senior CSI. I will still have to do more paperwork than you or Nick or Warrick. And..." And now Grissom was really smiling. "...Carvallo decided that our lab should start training CSIs officially. For some reason he thinks, I am the best man for this job."

Sara could only stare at him. Not really believing what she was hearing. On the first glance it looked like he was being shortchanged, but as she listened to all this she realized that this was what Grissom wanted, or even needed. He could be a CSI again, no paperwork, no power plays, no politics. And they could be together without professional restrictions.

"Guess who is the first trainee?" Now she looked really incredulous. He couldn't possibly mean...

"Of course this is a trial run and Greg seems to be the perfect subject for this experiment. If we can make it through this without killing each other, then this could really work." He looked really satisfied and happy right now. She remembered how much he had loved teaching as a reprieve from his dark profession. He had described it once as relaxing.

"Sara, say something." He was getting worried that she was having second thoughts.

"Well, I have to admit that I was prepared for a lot of things, but not for that. Are you ok with this?" She traced circles on his hand with her thumb, an expression of nervousness and her desire to be there for him.

He nodded and she continued. "But you would not be the supervisor anymore. Catherine will be your boss." She had to admit that the thought scared her a bit. She and the other female CSI had some difficulties and she didn't know how she would treat her, now that she was the supervisor. But she decided, as long as Grissom was ok with it, she would be too.

"I never wanted that position to begin with. After a while I thought it would work out and I could keep doing it, but now I realize that it was a big mistake. I'm not good with the administrative stuff, I'm no good with people and I have absolutely no political bone in my body. Catherine is good at all this. And to be honest, she always has been bossy and now it's in her actual job description." He smiled at that thought.

"What about... the future. Will a reprimand go into your file?" She worried that it could hurt his reputation, but again he was able to assuage her fears.

"No, it's me cutting back on work. It's just a change of position. It's not a downgrading. In fact, they're making it a new position just for me."

Sara nodded in understanding. "So, you really are alright with this?"

"Yes, are you?"

She thought about it for a second before answering. Her smile was back in place when she asked him, "Does that mean we're equals now?"

The waiter picked that moment to bring their food, effectively interrupting their conversation. When he had left again there were a few tense seconds, neither really wanting to start eating before this was resolved.

"I still have seniority of experience, but otherwise, yes, we're equals." Sara let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Grissom took her hand again and brought it to his face. "I want _this!_" He could say so much with so little. He wanted his work and he wanted her.

He kissed her hand in a gesture of his devotion. He would not back out.

With her heart so much lighter, Sara finally picked up her fork and dug into her food.

Grissom did the same and reveled in his new freedom.

xxxxx

Dinner was over way to soon for both of them.

They had to return to work. Carvallo had insisted that Grissom would be the one to tell the other CSIs, so he had to join Sara on her first night back.

But after two weeks of not going to work and just being with each other, they felt strangely reluctant to go to work. With the prospect of a relationship their work started to take a second place. Maybe, Grissom thought, this is the distraction we both need.

After dinner they decided to take a short walk before heading in and Grissom held her hand again. It was nothing like those walks on the beach. There was less tension, because they now knew where they were headed and more tension, because work was near.

On the drive back, Sara brought up something else that had been on her mind since California. "Grissom?" She looked briefly over at him before focusing back on the street. "I was wondering..."

He put one hand on the middle console. Sara took it gratefully, trying to draw some strength from his touch. "Do we tell the others that... that something has changed between us?" She didn't want to be presumptuous about their relationship and say 'that we are dating'.

Grissom thought about this for a second, caressing her hand. "I think we should..." he started, but then stopped himself. No, he was done making decisions for the both of them. "Sara, if you want to tell the others we can, but I would like to have you for myself for a little bit longer. We put enough pressure on ourselves – I put enough pressure on myself – that I think we don't need anyone else putting their two cents in."

Sara nodded. She had thought about that too and she didn't want to answer questions about her and Grissom yet. "I agree. I don't want to share you either and..." She wondered if she should say it, but then decided to go for honesty, "and I don't want you to become scared."

How can we be so in tune and at the same time misread each other so much, Grissom wondered. "So we keep it to ourselves."

She smiled at him and nodded again. She put her hand back to the wheel and drove the rest of the trip back in silence. Sara wanted to stay like this forever and she felt it was too soon when they pulled into the parking lot.

TBC


	12. Coming back down to earth

Chapter 12 (Coming back down to earth)

A/N: Ok, I feel like I have to up the rating, just in case. So this chapter gets an R for a lot of cursing and not so nice descriptions of a certain character. Please read to the end of the chapter before giving me a piece of mind. Thank you!

xxxxx

For once, Grissom and Sara were not early. They were right on time.

They had wanted to wait until the others were all assembled in the break room, so that they wouldn't have to repeat everything.

Entering the break room, they saw that their estimation had been correct. Warrick and Nick were brooding over a file, Catherine was sorting through the assignment slips and even Greg was present, hovering over the coffee pot.

Sara coughed lightly and everyone turned their way.

The surprise was written on every face. Grissom was back.

With him was a much better looking Sara.

"Grissom! Sara!" It was Nick that broke out of his current state first- He moved over to them and hugged Sara. When he let her go he stuck his hand out to Grissom and said, "It's good to have you back and I really have to apologize. I'm so sorry."

Grissom nodded and smiled at the younger man. Nick on the other hand was incredibly relieved that his apology was accepted, but vowed to make it up to the entomologist with his work.

"Hey man, good to have you back. We were worried, you know, 'there will be no cake' and all." Warrick rose and shook Grissom's hand too before turning to Sara repeating Nick's moves. "Hey girl, you look so much better."

Greg abandoned his coffee and awkwardly took Grissom's hand. "It was too quiet here. No one yelled at me." He grinned at his own stupid comment. He made a move to hug Sara, but aborted his try as he saw Grissom watching him. The older man still made him nervous as hell, especially around Sara. Instead of a hug, he settled on a quick squeeze of her arm saying, "I missed you." Then he hurried back to the coffee pot.

Catherine just sat at the table taking everything in with a cold gaze. The others were wondering what was going on since they would have expected her to be the first one out of her seat. But now they could see something dangerous flaring in Catherine's eyes.

"You bastard!" Suddenly she was in front of Grissom staring right into his eyes.

"You asshole! Who do you think you are? You have no right to leave us like that. We're not some bugs you can cast aside. But then, you probably treat them better than you do us." She was on a roll now and no one dared to interrupt her. They had long ago learned that you didn't want to be on the receiving end of her anger.

"Do you know what a mess you have left behind? And now you probably think you can come back and pick up where you left." She was breathing fast and irregular. "Two weeks. Two fucking weeks without a word. Gil Grissom, you are an asshole."

The fire was burning hot in her and now Grissom wished he had one of his hearing spells. But he also knew that a part of him needed to hear it all so he could change. If he wanted to be a part of the team he would have to change some things.

"Cath..." Sara tried to stop Catherine's tirade, but was immediately cut off again.

"Sara, stop it. He doesn't deserve to be defended." Catherine snapped at her.

And when Sara made a move to counter her statement, Grissom stopped her with a hand on her wrist. She looked up at him and his eyes told her that it was all right. Knowing that he was planning to see this through to the end she forced herself to stay calm.

"I thought we were friends, Grissom." Catherine went on, but her voice had lowered and now showed her disappointment. "We have known each other for so long and we went through so much together, privately and professionally. So why did you think that stupid note would be enough? Did our friendship mean so little to you that you couldn't even talk to me?"

Tears had begun to travel down her face and now everyone could see how deeply hurt she had been by Grissom's betrayal.

"I thought we were friends."

She left the room in a hurry to prevent that the others from witnessing her total break down.

The three younger men remained frozen in their places while Sara and Grissom stared at the open doorway. After a short eye contact they left the break room together. Grissom went in search for Catherine, while Sara decided to hide in one of the labs, not ready to face possible questions of the other CSIs.

xxxxx

Twenty minutes later, Sara left the safety of the A/V lab. She paused at Grissom's office – although technically it was Catherine's now – and saw that they were sitting in front of his desk talking.

A lump formed in her throat, but she swallowed it. They were friends. Sara had always felt a bit insecure where Catherine was concerned, especially in regard to Grissom. It had seemed that, especially in the past year, he had been more willing to trust Catherine than her.

Suddenly Grissom looked up and over at her. He said something to Catherine and got up to open the door. "Sara," he smiled at her and led her inside.

Now Sara could see that the tears had dried and the other woman was smiling at her.

Oh god, had he said something about them, she feared. She looked at Grissom, but could not tell if he had really betrayed her like that.

"Grissom told me about my new job." The new supervisor said. "I really hope you're okay with that."

Sara nodded, trying to return the smile, but still wondering whether she knew something about them.

"Sara, I know I have treated you unfair in the past," Catherine stood and went to join Grissom and Sara, "but I promise you that will not happen again. I respect you and your work and I want us to be friends."

Sara couldn't believe what she was hearing. This was an official peace offering. "You know, I was not only worried about Grissom these past few weeks."

That was right, she had always asked her if she was all right or if she wanted to talk. "I want to be friends too."

Catherine held out her hand with a smirk that said 'the gesture is a ridiculous ritual of male bonding, but let's humor them'. They shook hands and grinned first at each other and then at Grissom.

Sara was still a bit unsure what exactly Grissom had told her, but as soon as Catherine had left the office he turned to her. "I didn't tell her about us. But I told her about my surgery and that you were there. I told her the surgery and too much stress are the reasons for my stepping down."

How did he know what she had been thinking about? "Sara, don't you know that I would never do that."

She knew that. Why was she doubting him?

Grissom asked himself the same question., but then realization dawned on him. "Sara, listen." He wanted her to look in his eyes while he said the next part. It was too important for her to misunderstand. "Sara, Catherine and I have been friends for a long time, but there was never, never more. And although we're friends I would never talk to her about very private things. In fact, I don't tell her much at all and when she wants to know something she usually had to pry it out of me with a crow bar. Sara, you don't have to worry about Catherine. Never."

Relieve flooded her at his gentle reassurance. She knew she was being stupid, but years of the same push and pull between them had taught her to always expect the worst. She needed his reassurance.

We need to learn to trust each other again," she said, knowing it would take some time to undo the damage done by both of their actions.

"Let's go back to the others and finish this so we can all get to work."

TBC


	13. Changes for the future

Chapter 13 (Changes for the future)

A/N: This is the last part of _Flight. _I'm so happy that this story found so many readers, since it was the first CSI story I wrote and therefore it is very dear to me. Thank you. Since this is the end, let me know if you liked it as whole.  
A big thanks to Amy and ITB. Also a big hug to a very good friend who encouraged me to publish this story.  
And now: Enjoy.

xxxxx

Arriving at the break room, they saw that everyone was still there and that Brass had joined them. Grissom had contemplated calling him, but had then decided that he would pay him a visit to talk about his new status in private. Now, he wouldn't have to make that trip.

He cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. "I have an announcement to make."

All eyes were now trained on him. He suddenly felt very uncomfortable under his CSIs' scrutiny. Well, they were no longer _his _CSIs, he reminded himself. Except for Sara, but that was another matter.

He focused on her, her presence giving him the strength to go on. "As of today, I am no longer your supervisor, Catherine is. And this time it is official," he rushed out.

Instead of feeling a bit of a twinge in his heart, he felt considerably lighter and his confidence that he had made the right decision grew.

The others – all but Catherine and Sara – were shocked. They had fought so hard over the last two weeks to keep his job. They were now clearly disappointed.

"But Grissom, they can't do that." Nick spoke up, ready to jump in for his role model again, but Grissom stopped him.

"It was my decision to step down." That shut everyone up. They hadn't reckoned with that.

"There are various reasons. Mostly it is about my health. That's not to say I'm ill. I've been under too much stress and my migraines were getting worse as a result. And that was only one part of it. I just can't do it anymore." It was a big admission for Grissom, showing weakness, and he was struggling.

Sara wished she could take his hand and give him strength, but for now her mere presence had to be enough.

"I will be the senior CSI and help Catherine with the paperwork. And there is something else."

Sara and Catherine had big smiles on their faces, knowing what was coming.

"Greg?" The young lab tech looked up startled. He was not sure if it was a good thing to have Grissom's attention directed solely on him. He sat up straighter in his seat.

"Greg, I believe now is the time for you to decide whether you want to keep being the brilliant lab tech that you are or... whether you were serious about exploring the wide world."

At first Greg didn't seem to understand what he had been offered, but then the idea developed in his head. "You mean..."

Warrick, Nick and Brass now wore similar smiles as the two women. Greg was still to shocked to do more than imitate a fish.

"I'm supposed to start training CSIs. And, congratulations Greg, you've been picked out to be the first guinea pig. That is if you want."

Suddenly there was a loud thump and everyone looked at the place Greg had just vacated. But the young man was now sitting on the floor grinning like mad.

"Well, I guess that means you're interested." Grissom commented dryly while the others started laughing. Maybe changes were really not so bad.

As the others helped Greg up, Grissom leaned into Sara and whispered, "Will you have breakfast with me?"

The end


End file.
